id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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