..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
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I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just want nice things and good sex
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
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Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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