grandma shit on top of the toilet
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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