if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
