I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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