Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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