He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
