wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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