official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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