DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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