If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
