He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize