I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
