Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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