my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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