he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
