My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She announced her abortion via fbk
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
