I am spending my child support on dildos
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
