get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i dont even know how to be here
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
