my mouth tastes like poor choices
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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