i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
