I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
