Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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