Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
