WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
