that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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