Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
