Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
