ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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