Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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