3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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