Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
