Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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