I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
