i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
