I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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