Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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