I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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