im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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