I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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