Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
