And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
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Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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