She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it's like iHOP with fire
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
