what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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