Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
no more duck duck goose at the bar
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
