I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
