why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
