that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Randomize
