you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
