What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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