Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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