someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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