I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
