I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
