I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
