she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
