Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
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you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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