She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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