i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
