i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
sex in a hospital.. check
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
